I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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