Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
