Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
