1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he was CRYING into my vagina
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
