Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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