you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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