You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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