You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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