The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i think i just lost a toe
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
