while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize