I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
