Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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