Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize