feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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