Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
