i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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