you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
