Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
