Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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