The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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