Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
