hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
where are my eyebrows?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
