i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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