I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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