I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
