so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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