He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize