the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
