I think my fart just growled at me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We had to coat check the pizza.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize