when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize