Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
