I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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