I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
