I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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