You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
