I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
