Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
