My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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