So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
