Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
