There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
