Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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