The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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