Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
