a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
