She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
