was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
