after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
