If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize