dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
