dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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