I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
