I'm going to jail i love you
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
