the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
