she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize