His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
