gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize