Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is Oprah even human
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
