Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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