i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
