Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
