i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
