We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
