remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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