You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we're making bets on your personal life
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
