We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
