Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
