I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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